Emergency Mother’s Day Tips

It is Mother’s Day in case you didn’t know it. Almost everybody has a mother, though with marriage equality and genderfication issues the numbers might be down these days. I wouldn’t know. Anyway, if you ever had a mother you would either know that it’s Mother’s Day already or you are now freaking out because you didn’t remember until just now which is another reason this is a great blog. I am not only perturbed with megaphysical issues but I have the good sense to know about lower stuff also too. Take it from me, this is not a day you want to forget about let me tell you.

The best way to handle Mother’s Day is to buy flowers. These days you can get them at any old grocery store if you want to buy them at the last minute. If you want something cheaper you can thank your lucky rabbit that Mother’s Day is in the spring when you can pick some flowers from your neighbor’s yard if you get up early enough in the morning.  Just wrap them up in some cellophane with a rubber band and you’ve at least got something to show for it. Most moms are too polite to say that they look like a rip off so you’re probably safe there. If you live in North Dakota you might have to wait until June to borrow some of your neighbors flowers which your mom would probably start suspecting about that you forgot the whole thing so it’s probably better if you just repackage any leftover easter candy. Use a magic marker and cross out easter and write Mother’s Day. Her politeness will buy you a few weeks until your neighbor’s yard comes around.

One thing moms like is cards, pretty much anything with flower designs on it. You can get those at the last minute at the grocery store too. If you’re really desperate you can make your own as long as you try to draw at least one flower. Here’s a drawing I did for my card this morning. I put a happy face on it mostly because a mom can’t resist stuff like that. On the inside of the card just write something like “Happy Mother’s Day, love whatever.” Even if you can’t draw as good as me it’ll probably work. As they say, a card in the hand is worth two-fifty easy, so don’t sweat it. It’s amazing what a sheet of paper and a couple of colored pencils can save you from.

Some people like to go out to brunch for Mother’s Day but not me. That sets up a president which can get pretty expensive over the years. For example, say you spend five bucks on your mom at Taco Bell, that’s like a couple of tacos and maybe one of those cinnamon crunchy things for splurging sake. If you do that once a year for 50 years that comes up to over 200 bucks! You could buy a used set of tires for that kind of money. Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do the brunch thing on Mother’s Day, only that you should give it some serious thought before you go starting an excessive tradition you’re stuck with, especially since with health care your mom could live longer than she’s supposed to.

Anyway, the idea of the matter is not to forget Mother’s Day while at the same time making sure your mom doesn’t expect much out of the deal. But the good news is that to make up for it you can totally go cheapo on Father’s Day. Dad’s don’t give a rip.



One Response

  1. Oh Fred, Fred, Fred…Wishing Your Lovely Wife a great day! And hoping you did super great for your Mother!

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