Geezers working out

I am a member of a health club. It’s not one of those ugly smelly gym places like the YMCA where poor people go. That’s why the place I go to is called a club not a gym so as not to encourage poor people try to join it. That’s also why my club charges so much money so that poor people won’t be able to pay and will just have to go hang out at the YMCA like others of their kind.

Anyway, like I said, my health club is more fancy than a gym. This makes sweating and grunting more upscale which I appreciate since those activities can feel pretty grungy when you’re in the middle of it. There are a few macho guys who try to turn sweating and grunting into a show. They hope that people will be impressed that they are sweating and grunting more than everybody else, but that only works in a gym where people are more impressed easier. In a club too much sweating and grunting are looked down on like bad manners. In a club you’re supposed to keep your grunts really quiet and use the white sweat rags to keep your sweat wiped off. Dripping is so not cool either. In a health club you’re not supposed to draw attention to yourself but be what they call possessed about it.

Which brings up an embarrassing thing that is happening at my health club. More and more there are these really old people coming who are in their 70s and 80s and even 90s. They shuffle in all slowish and wrinkly, some with canes and walkers and even a couple in wheelchairs for crying out loud. I mean, there the rest of us are grunting and sweating quietly to ourselves and in come this swarm of old people to use the facilities. They shuffle to the weights and do their creaky exercises right where everybody can see them. And I’m telling you, there’s nothing worse than trying to do a workout while some old geezer is flexing his bones right next to you. It’s like watching somebody pass a kidney stone.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against old people. We have to have them due to the laws of nature. And it’s not totally their fault that they’re old, though I think it’s only fair that they take some of the responsibility for it. But there’s a difference between old people who keep their oldness to themselves and these geezers who parade their oldness around in health clubs where the rest of us who paid good money are working hard to keep from becoming geezers in the first place. It’s unnatural, I tell you. There you are sweating and grunting to yourself and you have to look at some person whose body has had way too much gravity and you get kind of freaked out and grunt harder but those geezers still remind you that no matter how much you grunt you’re still going to turn into a geezer too which makes you wonder why you’re spending all that money to be in a club when you’re just going to succumb to geezerhood anyway.

So I think that health clubs should totally ban geezers too. Let them do square dancing or shuffle boards which are invented for old people to do on purpose. I’m all for equality of the sexists, but geezers in health clubs is over the line of decency if you want my opinion of it.


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