Some people don’t like to guess about important stuff. They want to know about it so they don’t make a mistake. This is the way everybody thinks they are living life. Are they right? You bet they aren’t. Most people are guessing about everything all the time, which is why life gets kind of weird sometimes.

For example, take getting out of bed. You don’t know for sure that the floor will hold you up. You could step on it and fall into the basement for all you know. Even if the floor worked last night, that doesn’t mean it will this morning. This is called the Dusenberg Uncertain Principle which was invented to take the place of religion. This principle proves that you can’t trust anything because it isn’t even there most of the time.

Take driving over a hill. You are guessing that the road goes on over the hill, even if you have never driven on that road before. You got over that hill at 60 even if the sign says 45 because you are guessing that there is a road on the other side. You are making a 60 mph guess. Sometimes people guess right, but sometimes people drive off cliffs or into 7-11 stores or maybe a donut shop. But it’s all a guess according to science which I believe is truer than other guesses.

Now take religion for instance as an example. Religion is guessing that there is somebody you can’t see that can pull a lever. What is that lever? I don’t know. But the guess isn’t about that mostly. It’s about that there is some invisible person who can pull it. Okay, maybe a lever isn’t right. Say he has a button or something. It’s the same difference to me. Anyway, religion is the same as a guess. If you’re right you go to heaven. If you guess wrong you end up in hell or New Orleans or maybe somewhere in eastern Montana.

Now if you go to church you are guessing that the building will be there on Sunday even if you haven’t seen it for a week or since last Christmas like most Americans.

Life is like that all the time. You buy ice cream and you guess that there is ice cream in that box even if you haven’t seen it. Maybe you will end up with ice cream or maybe you won’t. Maybe it’ll be frozen yogurt or frozen soy milk. Too bad for you. It was a dumb guess and you lost which I don’t feel sorry about at all.

I remember something else all of a sudden. I was driving into Minneapolis to see a Twins baseball game in the the Hump Dome, which is a huge white balloon thing built by Herbert Hoover who was rotten president probably mostly due to the fact that he was a Quacker. Anyway, when I drove into town I couldn’t even find that huge dome. I figured they had moved it for cleaning or something. Later I found it and got to see the game which was boring. But the point is that somebody had moved the Hump Dome and that could happen to a church maybe too.

So don’t freak out about it, but remember to test the floor in the morning. I’d hate to have you end up in the hospital because you made a bad guess. Not that it wouldn’t be your fault.


One Response

  1. grand assumptions all

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