4.28 billion year old rocks found in Canada

Some science guys say they found some rocks in Canada that are 4.28 billion years old. That’s like older than anything. Except the earth which is supposedly 4.6 billion years. Here is a for reals picture of those rocks they found.

I bet this is just what those Canadians want to hear, that they are the oldest country in the world. This means those other places who want to be the oldest like China or Egypt or Indianapolis are going to have a hard time with it. Normally Canadians are sort of quiet and keep to themselves. This is due to the fact that they are cold mostly and have to bunch up on the border of this great country. Also they don’t have a huge army to push people around. That means they have to take out all their frustrations in hockey. Hockey is what a country would come up with if they couldn’t beat up another country fair and square. So up till now they were stuck being Canadians without a lot of what you call hoop laws like America has passed.

But now they’ve got the oldest rocks in the world and can start claiming things like being only just a little younger than the earth. This will lead to Canadians being stuck up more than usual because they have science backing them up. Americans don’t need facts to be stuck up which is why we’re such a great country. Even our economy isn’t based on facts which is why we have the best one in the world even if it is falling apart. Those Canadians may have a bunch of old rocks but what good is that going to do them? Not much I bet. I mean, are people going to flock up there to look at those rocks? You bet they aren’t. In America we’ve got lots cooler rocks to look at. Take the Grand Canyon. It’s a huge rock hole and gets more people looking at it than those dumb old Canadian rocks ever will. And what about Mount Rushmore in North Dakota? I ask you, do you see any faces in those old Canadian rocks? Well maybe if you’re on drugs but hardly otherwise. I say HA at those dumb old rocks in Canada.

Anyway, those Canadians better watch out because if they make a big deal about those stupid rocks then Americans will come up with something even better which will be easy since rocks aren’t that all that great in the first place. Maybe something like Disney Rocks or something. That would make those Canadians think twice about trying to hijack America’s rock greatness. They are so lame. Not only that, all our draft dodgers are up there living high on the hog and getting health care for nothing! Talk about ironicality.


2 Responses

  1. I’m thinking of moving to Canada.

  2. Those are some nice, firm buttocks in that last picture! One might say “rock solid”!

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