Religion and politics

I want to go on the record about religion and politics here in this great country. There is lots of confusion about this topic due to the fact that nobody really understands religion or politics except for me. The reason is because I am able to explain religion and politics so that there’s pretty much not a lot left to think about. That is the purpose of this blog for those who don’t know. When you come to this blog you will soon not have to think much at all after my great explanations.

First I will explain religion which is mostly about God. Here are some things about God: You can’t see him. This is due to the fact that he’s invisible. Not seeing him and him being invisible are what you call paragraphic concepts. You can’t have one without the other. God is both at the same time mostly because he has to be or end up being a contraction of himself. Also, God is completely better than anybody else without even trying, which means if you’re God you can be stuck up and get away with it. This is called being ominous, which is a favorite word of fundamentalist religious people. Another thing you need to know about God is that he likes to be the boss of everything. You can’t tell him what to do and for sure he won’t care much about your opinion on stuff. He can do whatever he wants due to the fact that he’s God. This is called impotence, another fancy word used by theologists. So if you put all this together you have an explanation of God.

Politics is even more of a contusion than religion. Religion may end up destroying the world, but politics makes that a good idea. Politics is a word made up from ancient Grease. They had this word polis which means the people who make up a city. I know this because I have Wikipedia. Tics are blood sucking insects. Put them together (polis + tics) and that explains politics.

So, now I can explain how religion and politics fit together.  Religion used to ask for sacrifices like cows and sheep. God would tell the people to kill those animals and throw their blood all over the place. Once the people had made a big mess, God would tell them he forgave them for all the bad stuff they had done. The neat thing is that God never made the people clean up that mess. This is called grace. It made the people happy. Politics is also about bloody messes that nobody cleans up either. That is why we say stuff like “a bloody election” or “lipstick on a pig.” It is a way to make a mess and not clean up. The big difference is that politics doesn’t forgive anybody. It’s all mess and no grace.

I am proud of this great country that has politics and religion working together. We are really good at it mostly.


2 Responses

  1. Muslims do attempt politics but they tend to confuse everyone. If your “in” politics you have to throw your hat in the ring, which in their case is the “towel” you reffered to, in which case when they do that, “throw in the towel”, people don’t take them serious because they think their actually calling it quits … wierd.

  2. “Religion may end up destroying the world, but politics makes that a good idea.” Brilliant.

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