This weather I’m tired of


I am tired of rain. It is raining all the time here in Oregon. Rain, rain, rain. I know this is a theocratically good thing to have rain due to the fact that it makes the plants grow and we have water to drink. But I am tired of it for sure which is also a fact of it.

It is also gloomy a lot which means there is hardly any shine from the sun around here. It is hidden behind dark clouds which are also the place that the rain comes from. So it’s a double whammo as they say. Gloom and rain. Rain and gloom. And I’m tired of that too if you want to know.

It has also been cold to add to the top of the other things I’m tired about. Cold is the opposite of summer which is not cold except in Canada. Actually, Canada doesn’t have summer which is why they all live next to the border of this great country so they can pretend they have it. It’s the same with religion too which Canada doesn’t have even one bit. But I don’t want to be interrupted by religion even by Canada which you should know by now if you’ve been reading this great blog.

Anyway, cold makes you feel cold inside yourself. Cold is not just an outside thing. You could almost think of cold as a megaphysical issue but a person can’t be megaphysical if they are cold. Well, almost nobody. I read this story in school about building a fire. It was about this really stupid guy in the Yukon who went out in the cold and ended up freezing to death because he couldn’t get warm. The whole point was supposed to be a megaphysical issue, but all I could think of was how stupid that guy was. His dog made it mostly because he was a dog and dogs are supposed to be smarter than dumb humans who freeze to death in the Yukon (which is in Canada by the way as you would suspect). But this is not the point which is I’m tired about cold too. So now I have rain and gloom and cold. This is not a great thing to have to deal with.

I try lots of things to forget about the rain and gloom and cold. One thing is that I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and pretend I’m Bruce Springsteen. I turn up “Born in the USA” real loud in my head and pretend to be Bruce in the mirror. But you can only do that for about 27 seconds before you don’t believe yourself and just look dumb. Another thing I do is feel sorry for the squirrels in my back yard who have to stay out in the weather. I have learned a thing or two about squirrels by now and I’m even sorry for them in my head which I think they are picking up. I am not worried about squirrel revenge so much anymore even though I still haven’t gone into my back yard since the situation. I’m hoping by spring they will have forgotten about it completely. But I will probably buy a pellet gun just in case they gang up on me.

So when spring actually comes I will be happy and dance. Well, not really. I will not dance just because it’s spring. That’s for people who read poetry. I am not somebody who has feelings like that. I would maybe consider dancing to disco music which is not as lame as rap but almost is. I tried dancing to rap on New Years but all you can do is sort of jerk around over and over which explains in my mind why rap singers are always so mad. I would be too if I couldn’t sing or dance and had to wear all that jewry. Besides, that sideways cap thing looks totally stupid and that’s not to mention their pants hanging down to show their underwear. No wonder rap singers can’t dance except for those dopey hand signals.

Anyway, when spring really gets here I will probably like it mostly. Unless the squirrels take over again.


One Response

  1. Whadda talking about no religion in Canada? We’ve got hockey, curling, AND Tim Hortons.

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