Indian Traffic

In case you have not been paying attention I was in India. India is a big place with lots of people. Actually lots and lots of people. With so many people they have come up with some ways to cope. First, as I have said before, they have lots of gods, 32 million if you want to know, which I have already talked about and so you should know it. That means that each god only has to deal with a certain amount of people. Which is a pretty good idea. Take our one God for instance who has to handle all the prayers and disasters without any help from other gods. This means he is often slow to get back to you or just has to ignore you altogether. He does this probably to save his sanity. If he had help our religion would be more efficient maybe. But from what I’ve heard about our God he most likely doesn’t want any other gods around. He’s pretty strict about that, which is probably another reason why all his potential help moved to India a long time ago. Well, his loss I suppose.

Indians also have lots of cows walking around too. I call them city cows because they walk around in the city. And as you would know if you were paying attention to this blog, Indian cows walk around where they want because they are somebody else, not just cows. But I’m not going to repeat myself just for the sake of people who don’t pay attention to this great blog. My point is that this helps with all the Indian people by giving their dead people a place to go without over peopling heaven. Now maybe if you have only one God up there in heaven there might be room for all those people, but when you’ve got 32 million gods in the neighborhood you don’t want a bunch of dead souls immigrating at all hours of the day and night. What a mess. So the cows do really well with the overflow. Also you have reincarnation so hardly anybody gets a shot at heaven anyway. Maybe once in a while somebody slips in, but they’re probably considered like undocumented souls or something and don’t get a green card up there. That’d be kind of a drag if you ask me about it.  So maybe Indians have a pretty good system they figured out.

Another way India deals with all the Indians is to not worry about trash. I was going to write about it before but I was interrupted by a question about religion. I sure hope I got that taken care of. But trash is important in India. It is a way of life so to speak. Indians throw trash everywhere and it piles up. This is good for the cows who eat it but it is also good for the crows and the rats. They like the trash also. Nobody is exactly sure if the crows and rats are really somebody else or not, but just to be safe there is the trash for them to eat. Rats are special friends of one of the gods, which I don’t remember his name. So they are holy if you happen to be under that god’s jurisdictionary and you have to treat them with respect, sort of like a dead squirrel I learned a hard lesson from. Crows are also all over, but more visible because of the fact that they fly and caw. They are more proud of themselves than rats.  Crows think they own the place, which they mostly do it seems like. I have to hand it to them because of that. They would be good mascots for Charlie Sheen. But he’s not Indian even one bit and so it doesn’t matter.

Traffic is a main way Indians deal with a billion people. There are no traffic laws that anybody follows as far as I can tell. Everybody just goes for it. There are people walking, people on bikes, people on scooters, people driving little rickshawy things, and people driving cars and trucks and buses. They are going every which way and in and out and horns honking and turning in front of and running past and horns honking and cows walking and trucks shooting smoke and more horns honking and there you are in the middle of it and can’t even figure out where the corner is let alone wonder if anybody is going to let you get over to the next lane which is more of an idea than a lane even. But then your car shoots through someplace and you end up where you’re going somehow you can’t even figure out how you got there or even where you are for that matter. And that’s how traffic helps India deal with a billion people, exactly like trash and gods except driving.

As you can tell I’m very observable on these things. You cannot get this information from Wikipedia. In fact I have just about figured out India pretty much. I could talk about the food which I might at a later time unless somebody interrupts again with a question about religion. But I’ve settled that one I think for good. So maybe I will talk about Indian food next time if I want to. But I may have something else to talk about instead of that in which case I won’t.


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