If you have been paying attention, you will already know that was in India and you will already know that I don’t really know how I got there.  So don’t ask.  It’s a mystery for sure.

There are over a billion people in India.  That’s a lot, way more than in, say, New Orleans or Walmart.  So like I said there are lots of people in India, even more than cows I think, but probably not by much. I have not met most of the people who live in India personally, only in a large group setting where you can’t really get to know each other. I can’t say much about them except they seem to be nice to cows, more nice than Americans would be, but that’s because the Indian cows are somebody else, as I pointed out yesterday. So I won’t repeat myself again if you didn’t read it like you’re supposed to. I can’t take responsibility for everything.

Anyway, there are lots of people and cows in India, for sure. But that’s not as impressive as how many gods they have. At last count I heard that there are over 32 million gods who have names people can name. Boy, now that’s pretty impressive if you ask me. I’m not sure why all the gods moved to India, except that they must like cows and crowds, but they seem to like it there.

The people in India like their gods, for sure a whole lot more than America likes its God. Americans who believe in God say they love their God, but I can tell you they don’t like him very much. Indians, for example, set up their gods all over the place and put flowers on them and bang drums and shake bells and stuff like they’re happy to show their god off. Americans as you know like to keep their God private and come visit him once a week.  So maybe that’s one reason why all the smart gods moved to India. Maybe the American God is slow to pick up on the action. If Americans would take my advice they would not mention the action in India to their God or sure as shootin he’s going to up and head to India. Then they’d have 32 million and one gods and we’d have none, unless you count Bono, which I happen to not.

The advantage of having so many gods is that you can pick the one who does the best job. I have to admit that most of the gods in India are pretty shoddy. But there are a few favorites you can tell. There is one god called Ganesh who looks like an elephant.  People like him because he kind of jolly, sort of like Santa with an elephant head. I don’t know what he actually does, but maybe having a god who is happy is good enough.  That would be a nice change for some Americans, though I don’t think Ganesh travels much. There are other gods who get attention, but the truth is I can’t keep them straight in my head, but neither can the Indians who narrow down to a couple for simplicity sake.

Since I’m an American, I pretty much feel I have to stick with my one God, even though he’s mostly Jewish. I don’t have any problems with that, except that he’s more of an import than American, and soon he’ll probably just be another illegal alien to deal with. But he’s the only real choice I have since I’m patriotic in the God department. And if you want to know, our God’s been working hard to fit in better these days, so you’ve got to cut him some slack. Still it’s kind of a bummer to have only one god when the Indians get more choices, which is what consumerism is about. You would think Americans would have millions of gods instead of just one.  If the Indians figure this out they may outsource some of the the gods they’re not using, then we’d have some decent options.

By the way, I am really proud of my title which I gave this post.


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