A Great Idea for New Orleans

I’ve got this great idea. How about the people left in New Orleans offer the city as a toxic waste dump. They could charge per load and then build a library or disco club or something. Everybody else with toxic waste would really appreciate New Orleans then instead of thinking of it as a bunch of welfare whiners who want tax money to rebuild the Red Light District. I’m telling you, toxic waste is the future.

The cool thing is that mounds of toxic waste wouldn’t change the scenery much at all. New Orleans people would get the rights to sift through the waste for toxic stuff worth keeping, like enriched plutonium, which they could sell to Iran or North Korea or even an independent terrorist group. Not only that, Starbucks would most likely open a few stores there too, right across from the toxic waste dumps. They’re always grabbing the best locations.

A side effect would be that lots of people in New Orleans would die of weird diseases or radiation sickness. But there’s always a cost to success, though it doesn’t seem like that much of a price to pay for a Starbucks or two. Besides, it would be good for black folks and poor white folks to get along for a change. A Starbucks and toxic waste could do that, and everybody in America would learn an important lesson about unity and toxic waste.

I believe in God sometimes, and I think more of us would more often if we could tune in CNN and watch the poor people of New Orleans holding hands in a toxic waste dump with a Starbucks in the background singing songs like “We Will Overcome” or “Nobody Knows the Rubble I’ve Seen.” I know I’d believe in God then.

God loves almost everybody—except for those rich black people in New Orleans and a few Jews in Chicago—and nothing would show the love of God more than the people of New Orleans welcoming America’s toxic waste.

Really.  I mean it.


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