hand-turkeyIt is almost Thanksgiving time again which is a problem for me mostly because of the thanks part. I really like the eating part for sure, especially those fake sweet potatoes glued with marshmallows. I don’t actually eat the potato chunks but just the marshmallows and juice. I only try a couple of the chunks out of social pressure. I also like the stuffing more than the turkey mostly due to the fact that the stuffing is better and doesn’t need chewing as much which slows you down.

Anyway, the whole giving thanks part is kind of weird to me. There you are sitting around the table while things are getting cold already and everybody sort of feels like you have to give thanks to somebody you can’t see. It would make sense if you thanked the cooks and maybe even the turkey who gave his life up for us to pig out on. I wouldn’t be thankful for that canned cranberry stuff that still has the can ring marks on it. That stuff is just alien.

So there you are waiting for somebody to say some words to somebody invisible and who didn’t even cook the food anyway. So usually the head person of the house or the oldest has everybody bow their heads and says some prayer sounding words. Then they end it by everybody mumbling “amen” and jumping on the food and forgetting about the invisible guy right away. It’s like you have to put a coin in the slot or something to get permission to pig out.

Well, I for one think the thanks part is probably worth it to get to the dressing and marshmallows and probably doesn’t hurt anyway except for the fact that the food is colder, especially if the person praying gets carried away and starts giving thanks for everything on a long list that nobody really cares about. But that happens only once in a while since most people have the same attitude as me on this. I suggest that you have an atheist say the prayer which will be totally short for sure and then you can get on with eating which is why you’re at the table in the first place, like duh.

I hope you end up having a good Thanksgiving with short prayers and lots of marshmallows on your sweet potatoes. But take a chunk or two just to be nice. Why ruin your chances for some good Christmas presents?

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Turkey Theology

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